The Dark Tower (2017)*: To Archive with The Great Wall

*minimal spoilers ahead

Oh, look! Another film based-on-written-material which will disappoint readers everywhere. My friend (white) was pissed that the integrity of the story was supposedly compromised by the casting of the gunslinger as a black dude, but that’s another, kinda racist, story.

#StirThePot.

I like Stephen King books-become-movies, but I haven’t read the books/graphic novels behind this one. I blame the local library for starting at book 4. Consequently, I have no prior expectations going in nor terrible disappointment coming out.

Okay, I lied, I had some disappointment.

If you do go to watch this, bring a healthy bag of sarcasm, there are plenty of opportunities for dark jokes and satire. I was blessed with a movie companion to whom I could whisper and receive jokes which helped make the film more bearable.

As usual, I’ll protract the following, this time with spoilers. I don’t have time to pussy foot around:

  • Plot
  • Action
  • Characters
  • Annoyances

Continue reading The Dark Tower (2017)*: To Archive with The Great Wall

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Hardcore Henry (2016)*

 

The Quick and Dirty ~(Hints for the unspoiled)

For those who don’t want spoilers (yet), here’s a quick rundown that might help end the indecision on whether you should throw down cash to see this movie.

Genre – Action and gore filled. To the max.

Is it really like a 1st person video game?

Yes, you will be constantly reminded of this. Hint, be prepared for numerous floor/ground/staring down shots.

Is there substantial plot?

No, this is purely an action film. See Genre for plot details –Hint, very thin plot, with a watery, washed out “twist” that’s almost laughable in its existence.

Will watching this make me a better person?

Probably not.It did feed my sarcastic side with its infrequent spots of black humor, but there is no room for naievity here. It is bloody, it is gory, and it is morbidly sadistic at times.

Should my children watch this?

Only if they’ve grown used to playing Call of Duty/any shooter game with real blood. Side Effect: this film will further enhance their delusions regarding main character’s invincibility.

Second side effect – You will be a cool, but messed up parent. Never tell anyone you’ve taken your <18 yr old children to this film, child services will break down your door and cart them away if they ever got wind.

What are some “similar” films that can help give frame of reference?

The Bourne series comes to mind.

Enough hinting? Alright, let’s get on with the real spoilers of this film.

*Possible Spoilers Below

Continue reading Hardcore Henry (2016)*

Batman vs. Superman: The Dawn of Justice*

batman-v-superman-reviews
*Spoilers ahead!!

Expectations

Alright, so I went to the theater last weekend and bought a ticket for the 9pm showing.

After all the hype and commercials, I thought that Batman v Superman: The Dawn of Justice would be focused on an epic battle of “god” vs man, a contemplation on the temperamental whims and good graces of society in elevating and destroying prominent figures, and potentially a great tie in for Wonder Woman, since she was finally on the screen.

Then I heard it was 2 hours + and I got worried. How long was that battle anyway?

*Spoilers ahead

Continue reading Batman vs. Superman: The Dawn of Justice*