Zis Regret: Her Final Valentine

Ze wishes to go back in time
And never meet her
Knowing now, the end
Ze wished it had never even begun.

But youth is foolish
The summer air fills with potential
A world of happiness trapped
In her smile.

Like any smile, hers hides a world of pain
Zis laugh smothers discontent
But both find pleasure in the moment
Of meeting.

If only ze
Had stuck to zis instincts
Ze could have avoided
So much anguish.

They duct taped a world
And made it their own
Exacerbating each other
Painful hindsight.

Ze wonders if ze had
Been too vulnerable
Perhaps, ze should not have been so honest
Should have kept zis heart locked away.

Because she hurt zim so much more
Than all the others who’d gone before
Not just because of timing
But because ze had trusted her.

Ze wanted to be vulnerable
With her, test the waters
After prior hurts, ze
Let her in.

Ze can’t do this anymore
Can’t deal with friends who hurt
And carve up zis soul
Grafitti zis skin with scars.

Ze has no more tolerance
The pain drowns zim
Ze’d rather erase all their days
Never meet her again.

Ze’d rather she just tell him straight
That she hates zim, wants nothing to do with zim
That she’d explain why
She hurt zim this way.

Ze doesn’t need to be hurt again
Ze hurts zimself enough
Others have hurt zim before
She doesn’t need to hurt zim again.

Why did she pretend to love zim?
Ze’d rather stay alone
Than be tricked into thinking that someone
Wanted to be zis friend.

And what did ze ever do to her?
To make her turn against zim
Ze doesn’t know, and perhaps it’s
Better that way.

But ze’s done writing messages
To never hear reply
Ze’s done wondering what ze did
To be driven into exile.

Ze doesn’t want to hear her name
Never again will ze
Even worry for a moment that she’s okay
Because ze needs to be selfish, else ze will die.

And, yes, perhaps it has nothing to do with zim
The silence could be purely coincidental
But when she ghosted zim from her life
It went beyond apathy to pure indifference.

And ze’s tired of feeling that pain
Tired of bleeding out on the balcony
Waiting for her to find zim worthy
To reenter her good graces.

What had ze done?
What had ze done to result in this?
All ze knows is that the rift isn’t zis
And that ze needs to let go – once and for all.

And so, ze stumbles away
Binding wounds that bleed to this day
Someday, ze will regain zis trust
But definitely not today.

Perhaps ze will finally
Find someone who actually cares
Will love zim, and will not
Cut zim up again.

But the world is meant to hurt
Ze accepts that ze will always be carved
By those who pretend to love
Hopefully next time, ze will see it coming.

Blinded by love
Ze never saw her
Blade sinking into
Zis heart.

Archways

This allegory
Is a heterosexual story
But can be applied
To any relationship in mind.

He felt lust
A status, not trust
Her thighs were the gateway
All he knew was hurry

She wanted a toy
Disguised within a ploy
Of attraction and need
She must sample and feed.

He wanted to break the rules
Be the bad one at schools
Lure the ripe peaches
With honeyed tempting speeches.

She wanted to be grown
Leaving the parents at home
Hopped that crotch rocket
To hell, or the next sunset.

He needed to show and put out
A big boy now, he shouts
Bitch I’m a man
This is all my master plan.

She needed to feel whole
Add more boys to her role
And she passed right through them
Like a pig trampling gems

He needed tactile notches
To feel clever like foxes
Because he doesn’t know himself
He’ll grab any trophy from the shelf

She lines up to the left
And struts right through his heft
He’s just another passage
Rights of a greedy savage

He struts to the right
And thrusts through her light
She’s just another cave
Selfishly, a method to self-save

And so, they march through each other
Blindly mislabeling themselves a lover
They dynamite past with bludgeoning force
Trample each other like the stampeding horse.

Then wonder at the wreckage they left behind
Gaping at wounds inflicted in kind
Never realizing that their fancies of love
A mere battlefield, both guilty of the fatal shove.

He was never the goal point
She was never the venture joint
Just doors standing in the way
A passage to pass the day.

An archway crumbles without a keystone
Relationships wither without water sown
A sanctuary of entitlement
Is no home of enlightenment.

Know thyself then find a lover?
Just use them to hide and cover!
They don’t know any better anyway
Love drunk works the same every day

 

Photo Credit: Massa

Flash Fiction Day #3

Flash Fiction Day, June 22, 2016

Inspired by… fucked up relationships.

Scapegoats – Bad Approach

You’re right. It’s my fault.

It’s my fault that you’re there and I’m here. 

Got it right for once.

Cuz it wasn’t my fault you snorted that shit on Friday. Wasn’t my fault your job was drug testing on Monday. Wasn’t my fault you were fired by Wednesday.

Continue reading Flash Fiction Day #3