My Muse

I’m humming a tune that I can finally remember. I write it down. The words float to me easily, the melody plays in my ears, I am immersed in the sound of beauty. A few tweaks and I’m onto a masterpiece.

The ideas come freely, I am a-gaggle and a-goggle with giddy delight. I laugh and smile, a little less hollow now. I’m wrapped in words and the plot rolls before me like a river to chart my course to the path I had struggled to achieve and yet never quite approached.

I am watching romance films and I don’t know why but I find them charming rather than nauseating.

It’s like the bubbling in my chest, the joy of life, the crisp of autumn, all combine to make me alive. I want to be alive again, and my fingers and heart and soul are dancing a melody of something genuine and new, something unfolding from inside like a sheltered flower that finally bloomed.

This didn’t happen before and I don’t know what it means now that it is.

I just am.

I exist and for once, that’s okay.

Are you the one who unlocked my creative side? The side so still and cold I thought it maybe had died from neglect or… sadness.

With all this, I am feeling again, and that means that pain is on the way. Time to slaughter and slay and to forget all my names.

And yet I cradle it close, like a long lost lover. Captivated by it’s light and beauty. I am subdued by its power and it rules me. For a time, for a season. Will it fade away and leave me again with the gray?

Is this a love? Or is this pain disguised as pleasure?

When will you hurt me. Again.

Metal and edge, the beauty of a katana is not just in how it gleams in the light. But in its slash and cape of blood. Likewise, something this beautiful starts with joy and cuts to the quick in a sharp and incisive way. Needlepoint my heart. Cover my eyes, and make me love again.

It hurts, it’s love, it hurts.

It’s love.

It hurts.

It is raw and untethered, like grated nerves stretched for piano wire.

It cuts yet the sound is piercing.


Whence cometh the Inspiration?

@Ro Donovan who requested insight into my inspirations via my contact page. Thanks for the questions and suggestion, I promised I would cover it, but I didn't anticipate it would take so long...

“What words, people, perceptions, etc. have inspired what sorts of actions in the writing process with some brief examples (e.g. if a quote, or movie… inspired a character, or how to add to an existing one; how and if songs have inspired you…).”


Welcome to the darkside. No really, it can get dark.

I always write as male characters. I tried writing as a female lead when I was younger, trying my hand at the stereotypical attempt at romance (well, it wasn’t really romance, it was more of a kidnapping and stockholm syndrome, but yeah, call it ‘romance’). I gave it up after I realized that I focused more on the male character, and was way more interested in his backstory and character development than hers.

Gahhh, this is hard. How do I explain this…

I am inspired by the darkness. I am arrested by the broken, the fractured, the utterly fucked up. My stories aren’t meant to be light and airy, they tend to be heavy in some way.

Continue reading Whence cometh the Inspiration?