Zis Regret: Her Final Valentine

Ze wishes to go back in time
And never meet her
Knowing now, the end
Ze wished it had never even begun.

But youth is foolish
The summer air fills with potential
A world of happiness trapped
In her smile.

Like any smile, hers hides a world of pain
Zis laugh smothers discontent
But both find pleasure in the moment
Of meeting.

If only ze
Had stuck to zis instincts
Ze could have avoided
So much anguish.

They duct taped a world
And made it their own
Exacerbating each other
Painful hindsight.

Ze wonders if ze had
Been too vulnerable
Perhaps, ze should not have been so honest
Should have kept zis heart locked away.

Because she hurt zim so much more
Than all the others who’d gone before
Not just because of timing
But because ze had trusted her.

Ze wanted to be vulnerable
With her, test the waters
After prior hurts, ze
Let her in.

Ze can’t do this anymore
Can’t deal with friends who hurt
And carve up zis soul
Grafitti zis skin with scars.

Ze has no more tolerance
The pain drowns zim
Ze’d rather erase all their days
Never meet her again.

Ze’d rather she just tell him straight
That she hates zim, wants nothing to do with zim
That she’d explain why
She hurt zim this way.

Ze doesn’t need to be hurt again
Ze hurts zimself enough
Others have hurt zim before
She doesn’t need to hurt zim again.

Why did she pretend to love zim?
Ze’d rather stay alone
Than be tricked into thinking that someone
Wanted to be zis friend.

And what did ze ever do to her?
To make her turn against zim
Ze doesn’t know, and perhaps it’s
Better that way.

But ze’s done writing messages
To never hear reply
Ze’s done wondering what ze did
To be driven into exile.

Ze doesn’t want to hear her name
Never again will ze
Even worry for a moment that she’s okay
Because ze needs to be selfish, else ze will die.

And, yes, perhaps it has nothing to do with zim
The silence could be purely coincidental
But when she ghosted zim from her life
It went beyond apathy to pure indifference.

And ze’s tired of feeling that pain
Tired of bleeding out on the balcony
Waiting for her to find zim worthy
To reenter her good graces.

What had ze done?
What had ze done to result in this?
All ze knows is that the rift isn’t zis
And that ze needs to let go – once and for all.

And so, ze stumbles away
Binding wounds that bleed to this day
Someday, ze will regain zis trust
But definitely not today.

Perhaps ze will finally
Find someone who actually cares
Will love zim, and will not
Cut zim up again.

But the world is meant to hurt
Ze accepts that ze will always be carved
By those who pretend to love
Hopefully next time, ze will see it coming.

Blinded by love
Ze never saw her
Blade sinking into
Zis heart.

We’re not perfect…

I bite my lip nervously, our eyes hover in the moment of hush. We kiss again, deeper, hands moving from shoulders to neck, back, arms, and skimming down to chest. I inhale his exhale, suck in her breathy moans, fingers roaming wildly.

Our caresses transition to desperate groping- I twist my fingers in his hair, forcing him to tilt his head as I seal my lips to his. I shudder when she laps my neck with her tongue and wraps her fingers around my throat with a gentle squeeze. A switch’s paradise…

His hands cup my ass as her palms glide beneath my shirt. I release his lips when she pinches my nipples, and I don’t recognize the moan that escapes. It sounds wanton…and hot. I turn and push her to the bed, gently straddling her hips and wiggling up her long body to kiss her pouty pink lips. Succulent, I suck on her strawberry lipstick, and lick inside her mouth for her unique spicy flavor. She wraps her arms and legs around me in the softest cocoon. I can’t stop stroking her hair, carding my fingers through corn silk as the kiss goes on and on.

I tense when I feel his fingers reach for my belt, foreign territory and fear, but she lures me back as he soothingly strokes my back. I slide down, laving her neck and licking my way down to her breasts. Not too big, not too small, I can’t resist suckling them through her tank top. Gingerly, I nibble with teeth -will I hurt her? No… she seems to like that -oh, he’s reaching between us and… there goes my jeans.

 

Five days later…

“MotherFUCKERS!!!”

I fume angrily as I catch them together, without me. I clench my fingers so hard they dig into my palms. “What the fuck is this?!”

They try to speak but I slice my palm into the air.

“Know what? Don’t even. At least we – no I -can stop wasting my time with this farce!”

I slam right out the door I stepped through moments before, slam-dunking the bouquet of orange tulips to the bottom of the garbage bin as I stomp out the back.

Fuck!! I knew this was too good to be true…

 

Late that afternoon…

“Beauuuu, you knew better!” Frienemy 1 gushes morbidly, her lipstick red lips slobbering at her margarita. “Two is a couple, three is a crowd. And you’re -literally- the odd man out.”

She stares pointedly at my crotch. Really? 

I am not my genitals, ya know…

“Yeaaaahhh-shhhh,” slurs Frienemy 2 as she reaches for another frothy concoction. “Three-zzzzz …. haardddddd.”

Gee, thanks Belinda.

I idly slosh my bourbon in circles, wondering if answers can be found at the bottom of my glass. They never are…but it never hurts to try.

Can’t be as bad as the last thing I tried.

Fucking threesomes…

 

The next morning…

knock knock Knock Knock KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!!

“Whoever it is, I am going to FUCKING KILL YOU!!!” I announce, clutching my head. Barreling to the door, I snatch it open. “I swear to HADES-!”

She stands on my doorstep.

And there I am, frozen and gaping like a fool. 

I slam the door in her face.

 

Ten minutes later…

“Come in,” I grumble, squinting through my hangover, clutching a pain-reliever in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. “Just stop your infernal banging!”

She shuts the door and sails right past me into the living room. Staring in disbelief, I follow her in.

“This does NOT mean I forgive you!” I shout, then wince and gulp down the pills. “I’m in pain so make it quick.”

Frowning with concern, she steps closer, raising her hand to touch me. I step back, raising my eyebrow –I dare you, bitch!

Damn it, I hate her so much now.

“I’m sorry, okay. I might have fucked up-” She begins.

“No, you definitely fucked up.” I correct, pointedly.

“-But it was your idea!”

“Cuz you couldn’t stop whining about dick!!”

“Well, it’s not like you have one!!!” she screams in my face.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the true crux of this bullshit.

I shove her away. “Get the fuck out of my house!”

She glares defiantly for a few moments. “You started this. Don’t be mad at the outcome -bitch!”

The door shudders on its hinges on a gust of fury. I sigh, collapse on the couch and wipe the water from my eyes.

Shit… how did this go so bad so fast?

“I’m not a bitch!” I shout, belatedly. I’m devastated.

 

Seven days ago…

“Babe?” Her crystal blue eyes stare in mine with curiosity.

“Hmmm?” I caress her tummy, pulling her into a tighter spooning position.

“Have you ever… no, it’s stupid.”

“Have I what?”

“Have you ever been with… a guy?”

I sputter in surprise.”Lol, why would I? I like girls more.”

“Yeah, but…have you ever had dick?”

“…What are you getting at?” I ask, frowning.

Sigh… “How do you know for sure if you’ve never had the alternative?”

Annoyed at her line of questioning, I cut to the point. “Okay -One, I just do. And two, that’s a bit ignorant.” I pull away and turn on my opposite side.

 

The very next evening…

“Hey, this is Kevin. Blah, blah, blah, blah…”

A chorus goes up “Hi Kevin!!”

I wave my arm vaguely in his direction, my focus on my girlfriend who’s sulking for some reason.

“Kevin, this is Heather and Gareth,” the host introduces, shuffling poor Kevin through the numerous clusters of people in conversation. “They live up your way in Platty County.”

Heather’s eyes light up. “Nice to meet you, Kevin,” she says with a giggle.

Ohhh, I see where this is going.

“Hey,” I grunt, stepping closer to Heather. It’s futile to hope that my proximity would dissuade her appreciative gaze.

“….I just moved to the area, know any local coffee shops?” Kevin’s honey-tinted eyes glide to me for a few seconds.

Heather butts in eagerly. “Depends on what you like to drink. The best coffee is BurGlasses….”

I mentally roll my eyes as Heather subtly pushes me away. To be fair, he is attractive, in a sweet sort of way. And I’ll bet those muscles don’t hurt things. I gulp down my beer and wash the thoughts away.

Shit, if Heather doesn’t stop grabbing his arm, I’ll-

Waiiittt. I can kill two birds here… Satisfy her curiosity and get him out of her system.

 

Thirteen Months later…

“Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Gates!”

The guests burst into whistles, shouts, and happiness as Heather and Kevin meander down the aisle. The triumphant entry of the newly wedded couple is accompanied by flower petals and rice thrown through the air. The wedding guests follow and begin drifting toward the buffet set up on the green, grassy lawn.

I lag behind, my emotions in turmoil. On the one hand, I can’t believe that I -again- am the odd one out.

I should have just said no to the invite…

On the other hand, I shouldn’t be jealous of the cheating bastards. They’ll probably be at each other’s throats in a matter of months. Didn’t mean I wasn’t jealous, though.

No girlfriend. No partner. No friend to accompany me to this function.

Sighing, I sit at my name tag and stab my fork through the flower salad. Eyes drifting, they settle on the bartender across from the buffet tables.

Thank fuck there’s an open bar.

 

Three hours later…

The bartender sure is taking his time. 

I try once again to get the liquor guardian’s attention. But he’s distracted by the demands of the Father-of-the-bride at the far end of the crowded bar.

Attention hog… There are thirsty people here!!

The bartender finally notices my existence just as an inscrutable brunette slinks to my side.

“Hi! I’m Wren.”

Don’t care. I smile vacantly and turn back to the bartender. “Another whiskey double,” I say, swirling my empty tumbler.

She wouldn’t be dissuaded. “So, nice wedding, huh?”

“Sure.” I sink my face into the liquor trough for a long pull. I am nowhere near drunk enough for this.

She seems to sense my disinterest. “Look, I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to dance… Obviously, you’ve got other things on your mind,” she trails off.

I sigh, raising my eyes to her disappointed face. She… Damn it, she’s making me feel guilty.

“Wass your name? Wren?” She nods.

“Kay, one dance. That’s it.” I drain the glass and slam it back on the table.

She smiles and her face lights up like the sun. “Damn!” I mutter, attracted despite myself.

We approach the dance floor just as a new song starts. “Milady,” I drawl politely, bowing slightly while extending my hand.

Her warm, soft hand takes mine and we whirl onto the dance floor.

 

One sweaty hour later…

“Oh my Gawd!” She laughs, breathing heavily. “Who taught you how to dance?”

I grin. “My older brother. He liked to consider himself the ‘Casanova of Dance’.”

“With moves like that, he must have his pick of the ladies,” she chuckles, molding to my side like a missing puzzle piece.

“Actually, he’s gay, so it’s guys he’s fending off on the dance floor,” I laugh at the image of my brother actually turning down the attention of his worshipers. Not a chance.

“Lucky guy!! My half-brother is the clumsiest person in the world.” Wren leans in conspicuously. “Actually, my entire family is notorious for our lack of coordination.”

I take the hint and wrap an arm around her. “And you still asked me to dance?”

“I figured you’d make me look good. Either that, or you’d break my fall, like a true gentleman.” She grins at me, laughter sparking in her green eyes.

Damn… she’s… amazing.

“By the way, I never got your name,” Wren says, her hand sweeping around my waist.

“Oh, right. My name’s Gareth.”

“Gareth…” she rolls it on her tongue. “Nice to meet you…”

Suddenly I realize how close she’s gotten to my face. Is she?

Oh.

Wren tastes of honey and vodka, a heady combination that mixes with the softness of her lips, the strength of her tongue and her bold grasp on the hair at my nape.

Dammmnnn. Firecracker.

The kiss concludes. I rock back on my heels, as she licks her lips with the look of a cat sampling cream.

“W-w-wow…” I stammer. Dammmmnnnnn GURL!!!!!

Wren smirks knowingly. “Wanna go to my place?”

Uhhh, YEAH! 

I nod dumbly, wondering how this woman managed to steal my tongue and my brain in one fell stroke.

 

The next morning…

I recoil at the large gray eyes inches from mine. “Judas-fucking-priest!”

“Mmmmm-whaaaa?”

Ohhh, it’s a cat. Where? Oh, right…

Wren.

“It’s just Truffle, babe.” Wren says sleepily, burrowing her back into my chest, little spoon to my big.

Now that I look again, Truffle appears to be a large gray cat that nested on the pillow next to me. I turn back to the woman in my arms, how she fits so well, and…

Be still my beating heart… shit.

I don’t wanna go anywhere. I just want this to last a few more minutes.

Wren starts to stir. “Babe, I gotta go to work…”

Crap. Well, this was good while it lasted-

“How about dinner later?” Wren finishes, twisted beneath the covers to face me. Bedhead haloing her head, Wren’s face remains angelically sleepy and open like a flower facing the sky.

How did I get this lucky?

She’s amazing.

“Yeah,” I croak, a crooked smile on my face. “Dinner sounds great.”

 

Ten hours later…

“You hooked up with someone at the wedding?!” Belinda screeches, slamming down her ever-present margarita glass. “You man-whore!”

“Ohh, give it a rest! It’s only right he meets someone new at that bitch’s wedding, it’s good karma!” Frienemy 1 retorts, sipping her second Long Island at a sedate pace.

“Lindsey, you dumb broad, what the fuck do you know about karma?” Belinda turns her razor tongue on a new victim.

“More than you know about celibacy, you slut!” Lindsey retorts.

Belinda gasps. “You!! You…CUNT!”

I sigh and wave for my tab as Belinda and Lindsey start cat-fighting. I head for the door as one starts yanking on the other’s hair.

 

Four weeks later…

I wake up to sunlight streaming through the windows and Truffles eyeing me hungrily. “Hey Truffles,” I whisper as he casually licks his paw.

“He thinks you’re food.” Wren mumbles, kissing the back of my neck and massaging my shin with the leg she swung over my hip during the night.

“I think I can take him,” I reply, shifting to face Wren. She meets me in the middle for a morning peck.

“Mmm, that’s what he thinks too.”

I pull back and look into her eyes. “Think you can take me?”

She smirks, clutching the hand I raise to her face. “Absolutely.”

I sigh in contentment.

 

Later that afternoon…

Surfacing from the chlorine-doused pool, I sweep my shoulder-length hair back and swipe the water from my face. I hoist myself out the pool and collapse on the poolside lounging chair, next to Wren who’s getting her tan on.

“Random question, promise you won’t be mad?”

I turn to Wren curiously. “Yeah, what is it?”

“Have you ever been with a guy?”

The day suddenly seems cold and dark. I force my muscles to relax.

“Yeah.”

Slipping off her sunglasses, Wren pins me with an intense gaze. “Do you miss it?”

What? “What?”

“Do you miss dick?”

“Wha- NO!” I make a face. “I like girls, I’m not into guys whatsoever.”

She releases a breath. “Okay… Good. Sorry, I had to ask. I’ve been burned before and I’d much rather be upfront about it at the start.”

I can feel my shoulders settling down from their perch near my ears. “I can understand that,” I say finally. I lean back in the chair and settle my sunglasses over my eyes. “My last girl ended up marrying the guy she begged me to bring into our bed for a one-time threesome.”

Wren’s expression is murderous. “Who’s the bitch and can we kill her?”

My reaction is halfway between a sputter and a chuckle. “Nah, she isn’t worth it. Plus, it worked out. I ended up meeting you at her wedding.”

Her eyes widen. “No, way! You were dating my sister?”

“…Your sister?” I stare in disbelief. “You’re Heather’s sister?!”

“Technically half-sister, but yeesh!” Wren shakes her head. “Sorry you got burned, but that’s typical for Heather. She has… interesting ideas on fidelity.”

“Yeah, no shit!”

“Gareth, can you take off your sunglasses for a minute?”

I slide them to my forehead. “Wassup?”

Wren leans close, and I mirror her so we meet in the space between our chairs. “I’ve gotten to know you pretty well, “she begins, a hint of nerves in her face. “I want to be upfront about the fact that I have feelings for you. I’ve been burned before, I’m a jealous person when it comes to my relationships and-”

“Yes,” I interrupt. “I’m all for an exclusive relationship. I get what you’re saying.”

She pauses, then that brilliant smile reignites the sun in the sky. “Damn, Gareth, I fucking love you.”

Grinning, I pull her out of her chair and into my lap. “Love you too, Babes.”

The last thought that floats through my fading brain?

I’m so glad that Heather cheated on me.

Cuz I found paradise with Wren.

 

 

Copyright © 2016 by Opalflame

Death is always the Present

Inspired by LIFE Season 1 Episode 10, and CSI Season 3 Episode 10

What did you see?

In that last moment, as the dirt covers your face. As the ice froze your lungs. What was the final synapse? That last flash of electricity as your final exhale fluffed through the dirt.

Like a noose around my neck, this sinking weight in my gut. Like Icarus you soared so high. Like Icarus, you surpassed the final limit. The limit to death.

Continue reading Death is always the Present

Hope & Insanity

The fine line
Between hope and
Insanity, is
Innocuous.


 

He couldn’t help but watch. They looked so good together. The sandy, sunkist man. The flaming red-haired woman. From their frequent kisses, and gentle touches, he could tell they were in love. Deeply entwined within each other.

The light of their affection blinded him. But it was the flash of light on the waves, spearing sharply into his eyes that caused the tears.

He pulled the brim of his hat lower as they passed. A moment for them, a counter to his  eternal agony. His chest felt like it would explode from the seismic tremors slipping from his soul.

How could he? How COULD He?

A dented smile cracked his face. I guess, he and I have different definitions on forever.

The light glinted off the small gold circlet as it arched towards the ocean.

 

3D3Q Day 1: Contemplate & Choose

3 Day 3 Quote Challenge (3D3Q):

The rules:

  1. Must post 3 consecutive days in a row.
  2. Can choose between 1 or 3 Quotes
  3. Must challenge 3 different bloggers per day

3 nominees:

Boy did this come at a great time. I have a ton of quotes to share.

Thank you Cherrytato for giving me this awesome challenge which I totally accept!! 😀

Continue reading 3D3Q Day 1: Contemplate & Choose

Best Friends Forever, Enemies for Life

Friendship means a lot to me. It’s hand over heart, where I can feel your heartbeat and you can touch mine. Back to the wall, you’d be by my side, arm in arm prancing down the street.

The concept of friendship has diverged into two parts – the reality and the ideal.

The ideal is what I prefer. Friends are the people who stand by you when the world destroys your dreams. Friends give late night hugs, talk you off the ledge, pick you up when others were all too eager to shove you down. Friends keep your secrets, and don’t mock your fears no matter how impractical. Friends love you no matter what, they support you even when family break you. They march with you for your causes, even if they aren’t necessarily their own. They love you unconditionally, or as close to it as one can be.

Continue reading Best Friends Forever, Enemies for Life

Blinders

The whisper of the pines warns of danger,
Yet I recklessly ignore their words.
Running hand in hand through the forest,
I find it hard to imagine that being led astray
Can be so perilous.
When he beguiles me with his smile,
I am forewarned of eminent betrayal, and yet
I am lured by his smooth seduction,
So I close my eyes, and follow his lead,
Till the ground fades away,
And I fall alone.

Of Steeples and Lambs

These eyes open wide still see but a fraction,
This face blank and mobile displays the soul;
Dark and craven, this heart sluggishly beats,
The resounding prayer of sullen defeat,
This traitorous depiction of loneliness toll.

We bend our backs to the will of “God”,
Bearing our crosses, weighed by our sins;
We face your glory, our inadequacy proclaimed
By your holy representatives left behind, who bear your cross
As a symbol of belief, to beat our backs
Bloody and raw, the imprint of cross in stripes of condemnation.

We scream and pray, and beg to be shown the way,
Yet somehow the rains of blessing are withheld
In favor of fire and brimstone, fire and death;
The soothing promised was mere inflammation,
The care sought was pure defamation;
Beating down on already bended knee,
Forcing complete and agonizing surrender to pitiless One.

Face down degradation to torture flesh with tortured soul,
Delight in ripping apart the fragile bindings that kept men whole;
The glee that forced the beggar’s hand,
The voices that drive wise men mad,
Knowingly struggle and confine and bind,
Now broken inside, peace no longer can find
The fragments of once glorious abode;
Trampled by impervious One –cold

Heartless cruel master.