Coffee #27 – Tend Your Lawn

Life and Lawns

Life stretches out like a property -a lawn- caged by time. The lawn ornaments are chosen with care, maintenance outlined on a regular schedule.

People come for barbecues, luncheons, dinner parties, afternoon drinks, siestas, playtime, playdates, morning coffee, and stargazing. Garbage gets tossed on the lawn, cans in the hedges, tissue among the flowers and plastic bags in the trees. The grass grows tall, the litter piles up, and weeds take over.

You’re responsible for your lawn. You are responsible for your life. Clean it, or don’t.

Continue reading Coffee #27 – Tend Your Lawn

Random Thought

In a gross oversimplification,  the Spanish, despite plundering the new world first,  sent the majority of their wealth to the Catholic church. The British had no such obligations and managed to encompass the globe and all the riches therein. Where, then, is all that wealth? Has it all been liquidated post WWI and WWII?

I am Debating Cryosleep

In the perfect world, I would put all my possessions in storage, freeze my accounts, tell some family members to lock away my government issued identification, and finally be transported to the nearest cryosleep location to sleep off the shitty parts of my life.

Wouldn’t it be grand to wake up just as life was getting better?

For fear of turning this post into a bitch fest, I am contemplating the stretch of my life so far in 2017.

I am suffering from boredom -not intellectual boredom, or lack of Netflix- no, I speak of a lack of stimulating conversation. Talking with people. Being with people. Being in the company of others.

I think I put myself in jail…

And I can’t, for the life of me, find a way to break this cycle.

Go somewhere? Yes, but where, darling? There are no festivals or community events -and I’m not going to an AA meeting to meet people (the last remaining social event…).

Go where there are people? Refer to answer 1. There just isn’t that many people here… I need to move, don’t I?

The wanderlust has been stirring, and frankly, I never thought I could do so much time in one place again. I need to get going…

And yet, there is no one like me. I am dying for some intelligent, impractical, irreverent, and immersible conversation that isn’t about someone’s love life, or their daddy issues, or their complaints about…shit that they started themselves. PLEASE, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Cryosleep is looking better every day…

On a random note, I recently drove by an old childhood memory site – the religious camp where much of my early years were tainted wasted. It looked so small and unkempt. I wonder what those silly little people are up to now in their tiny stupid worlds…

Probably still fighting over apartments.

Ahhh, let the good times roll…

 

Pic source, Artist Kaek

Salutate the Rebellious

“No one saves the devil, you know.”

“Hmph, are you expecting sympathy?”

A laugh strangles into a ragged cough cracking abruptly through the crisp winter air. Wet, and phlegm-filled, it echoed with the deadly rasp of eminent decay.

Many may have confused the death and the devil, but it was in this moment that they each appeared as separate entities. And…which had come for the other?

“We do have much in common. I am blamed for evil, you for the end of life.”

“And yet,” Death murmured, “to live is evil.”

“So then, Death, are you truly an angel? And, if so, have you fallen like I had fallen? Is this eternal task your punishment-?”

Continue reading Salutate the Rebellious

It’s always the small ones…

I took MMA for a semester a few years ago and frankly I loved it. Throwing choke holds, wrestling, kicking, punching -nothing but fun.

One time, I partnered with two other guys to practice. One of the guys was short and slender, so I thought him to be normal. It turns out, he had been taking classes for quite a while. Had I know, I would have changed my strategy of approach.

Continue reading It’s always the small ones…

Fantastical Subconscious

Picture source: http://www.visualart.me/work/3045

[We] wandered the warrens of the underground building, a 3 story living abode that morphed into an amphitheater with multiple doors leading to outer rooms and passageways on its peripheral. The ceilings were impossibly high, with walls and ceiling the color of sand.

From a side passageway, a loud scream echoed and [we] looked to see a ginormous T-Rex burst into the amphitheater where we stood. Aside from its razor sharp claws and ferocious teeth, its entire skeletal body was rife with flame, as if it had clawed up from hell in the embodiment of some bastardization of a reptilian ghost rider.

Fear. Shock. DODGE!!

Continue reading Fantastical Subconscious

2016 -Nailed it

A swift look into last year’s “yesterday”.

Resolution

Last year’s resolution was control.

I imagined, at the time, that like a Dom chaining down their Sub, I would finally be in complete mastery of all the things in my life that I felt so helpless about.

In truth, it was more about learning about the spheres of control. Some things are within reach and scope, others are not. Some things are frankly quite beyond my control and I’m perfectly okay with that.

It was about accepting responsibility Continue reading 2016 -Nailed it

Garroting the Echos.

“I just have… so many thoughts!” I said, turning to my unseen confidant.

My confidant and confessor (a she, I sensed) sat silently to my right draped in black veils and dark robes.

My hands smooth up my face and my thumbs slide to my temples as I lightly massage my head with my fingers, combating the tendrils of stress winding through my skull.

And there are so many thoughts… how can I possibly write them all down or track them for posterity.  

My silent companion didn’t move, in a stillness most artificial. I suddenly wondered, a tendril of thought, whether she was the harbinger.

And my dream spiraled away…

It’s those moments. Those small actions that harken back to memories of pain.

Continue reading Garroting the Echos.

Sarcasm & the True Meaning of Life.

I was puttering along and had to resist a chuckle at these bumper stickers.

The first sticker that caught my eye was:

I Used Up All My Sick Days: So I Called In Dead

Symbolic of unsympathetic authority, demanding your presence at every second of every day. Report to work, report to school, report to retirement, report IN.

Continue reading Sarcasm & the True Meaning of Life.

Acceptance

“Because of you I disconnect,
This life is all that’s left for me
Because of you I disconnect;
I’m killing you now”

~Unknown

Sometimes I wonder who I would have been.

  • If I had been raised like a “normal” kid
  • If I hadn’t lost my innocence so soon
  • If I had been raised in a different religion
  • If I had been born in a different region
  • If I had been of a different ethnicity
  • If I had been of a different gender…

But I am who I am. And I have to make the most of that.