The Dark Tower (2017)*: To Archive with The Great Wall

*minimal spoilers ahead

Oh, look! Another film based-on-written-material which will disappoint readers everywhere. My friend (white) was pissed that the integrity of the story was supposedly compromised by the casting of the gunslinger as a black dude, but that’s another, kinda racist, story.

#StirThePot.

I like Stephen King books-become-movies, but I haven’t read the books/graphic novels behind this one. I blame the local library for starting at book 4. Consequently, I have no prior expectations going in nor terrible disappointment coming out.

Okay, I lied, I had some disappointment.

If you do go to watch this, bring a healthy bag of sarcasm, there are plenty of opportunities for dark jokes and satire. I was blessed with a movie companion to whom I could whisper and receive jokes which helped make the film more bearable.

As usual, I’ll protract the following, this time with spoilers. I don’t have time to pussy foot around:

  • Plot
  • Action
  • Characters
  • Annoyances

Continue reading The Dark Tower (2017)*: To Archive with The Great Wall

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King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)*

*Minimal Spoilers

So, I’m fresh from the theater and can hardly wait to deconstruct this film. After tumbling through the latest films (see upcoming reviews on F8 of Furious and xXx), I had no high expectations, especially after viewing the titillating trailer featuring all the fighting highlights in the entire film in a teaser style that video game trailers love to over-utilize.

That being said, I’m not exactly coming from the perspective of one who has watched all that cinema has to offer on the topic of King Arthur, Merlin, the Pendragons, or anything of the sort. While I am generally familiar with the story of Arthur’s ascension to the throne, the only film I’ve watched in this vein was Monty Python’s: The Holy Grail. Consequently, my perception of this film is not impacted by the apparently disgraceful and inaccurate slant on the story.

So, onward to the good and the bad of this film. As usual, I’m focusing on:

  • Plot
  • Action
  • Characters / MC vs Antagonist
  • Cinematic Techniques

Continue reading King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)*

Iron Fist (2017): Cue Face Palm 

[Disclaimer: I haven’t read the comics, so I judge purely on the show as is without prior expectations based on the comics (I suspect reading the comics first would have made this so much more disappointing…)].

15 Days Ago

Currently at episode 3 and so far there is good and bad. Okay, mostly bad.

The subplots and the main plots are not well developed (as in, barely believable). A cliche spin on the typical greed and deception threads. All these characters add in, and during the first two episodes, it’s a pure hodgepodge.

My biggest beef is with the main character: a child trapped in an adult body. With all the power -literally- at his fingertips, he comes off as the typical all-brawn-no-brain character who bumbles around on the fringe of stupidity and angst. And, hint, doing the same thing multiple times will change nothing -except drive viewers to ensuing madness.

I mean, I thought you were raised by monks -who can be some wise folk- but I guess Danny Rand just wasn’t listening past the part of “I have power”. Plus he ran away from the monks for… no damn reason!?

Since I didn’t read the comic, I have no IDEA what the Asian woman he bumps into posting flyers had to do with the story or what purpose she served for the story. (Of course, a quick wiki read explains it, but without the “backstory”, Collean Wing doesn’t make sense to the show’s plot they way the wrote her in).

Can’t judge the acting beyond the fact that most of the characters come off one-dimensional (I-have-one-purpose-that-doesn’t-jive-with-this-scenario), but this may fade in time/ be the fault of the writers.

What really kills me is the choreography for the fight scenes: after Arrow, I can’t stand the slow-motion punches with no power behind them. If you aren’t going to hit -hard / for real- then at least Pretend to throw a strong punch. Otherwise, it looks damn stupid when people fall over from a punch thrown like a gently passing feather.

I’ll keep watching (maybe) and will give final ratings thereafter -after I finish screaming at the MC for being so damn naive…

3 Days Later

I couldn’t do it. It was so bad that I just wanted it off my Netflix watch page so I skipped to the final episode and fast forwarded through the whole thing.

I just can’t.

The writing was BAD. And I’m not sure how much of the bad writing resulted in bad acting…

Whatever they were going for -hell, I don’t know what they were going for (directors/writers) but this story turned out to be about a sheltered/stupid victim who reacted like a naive child to the mechanisms of betrayal, shady business, and disloyalty.

You know, the good things of life…

I think I’ll just hit some websites that will run me through the comic synapses for Iron Fist. I’ve seen some of the covers, and it looks so much cooler than whatever this show was going for.

Feel free to disagree, but this, like Arrow, is just another disappointment.

Rating: 1/10

P.S. Storywise, I couldn’t help but compare to the Batman trilogy- both lost their parents, both lost their companies (at some point), both trained by monks/ninjas, etc.. Really the main faultline difference is character -Danny just had no sense of self-preservation, dignity, or cunning in this show.

Suicide Squad – Coulda been an Excellent Romance Movie!

What? You thought this was an action film?

Think again.

I was deeply touched. This is what a romance film should be. Sadness, betrayal, longing, tragedy, sadism, stupidity, and just a hint of kale.

Mmmmm.

As usually, focusing on minimal spoilers, I’ll protract the following:

  • Plot
  • Action
  • Characters
  • Annoyances

Hang on!! It’s all “puddin’!!” and bullets from here!!!

Continue reading Suicide Squad – Coulda been an Excellent Romance Movie!

Jason Bourne (2016)

*Minimal spoilers… resisting the urge…

Overall Impressions

Disappointment. Tired tropes. Nothing new here…

Frankly, this wasn’t a film I expected to blow me out of the water. I suspected that the trailer would staple together the highest octane components of the film.

But when the trailer seems better put together than the actual film, that tends to disappoint…

In addition, this has stimulated a slew of puns, which I shall utilize throughout this post.

Focal points: Continue reading Jason Bourne (2016)

Captain America: Civil War

 

No Spoilers – hey, I’m trying here!

After months of everyone drawing up battle lines in the Ironman vs. Captain America fan club conventions, I figured this Avenger movie looked too good to pass up.

By the way, which team were you chanting for? Answer carefully, this question has divided marriages, offices, and other beautiful unions…


So the highlights/focal points for me are as follows:

  • Action
  • Plot
  • Characters
  • Spiderman –> we all want to know, right?
  • Team I Preferred

I’m going to be vague so that I don’t spoil it for anyone -it’s too early for that- so here we go.

Continue reading Captain America: Civil War

Hardcore Henry (2016)*

 

The Quick and Dirty ~(Hints for the unspoiled)

For those who don’t want spoilers (yet), here’s a quick rundown that might help end the indecision on whether you should throw down cash to see this movie.

Genre – Action and gore filled. To the max.

Is it really like a 1st person video game?

Yes, you will be constantly reminded of this. Hint, be prepared for numerous floor/ground/staring down shots.

Is there substantial plot?

No, this is purely an action film. See Genre for plot details –Hint, very thin plot, with a watery, washed out “twist” that’s almost laughable in its existence.

Will watching this make me a better person?

Probably not.It did feed my sarcastic side with its infrequent spots of black humor, but there is no room for naievity here. It is bloody, it is gory, and it is morbidly sadistic at times.

Should my children watch this?

Only if they’ve grown used to playing Call of Duty/any shooter game with real blood. Side Effect: this film will further enhance their delusions regarding main character’s invincibility.

Second side effect – You will be a cool, but messed up parent. Never tell anyone you’ve taken your <18 yr old children to this film, child services will break down your door and cart them away if they ever got wind.

What are some “similar” films that can help give frame of reference?

The Bourne series comes to mind.

Enough hinting? Alright, let’s get on with the real spoilers of this film.

*Possible Spoilers Below

Continue reading Hardcore Henry (2016)*

Batman vs. Superman: The Dawn of Justice*

batman-v-superman-reviews
*Spoilers ahead!!

Expectations

Alright, so I went to the theater last weekend and bought a ticket for the 9pm showing.

After all the hype and commercials, I thought that Batman v Superman: The Dawn of Justice would be focused on an epic battle of “god” vs man, a contemplation on the temperamental whims and good graces of society in elevating and destroying prominent figures, and potentially a great tie in for Wonder Woman, since she was finally on the screen.

Then I heard it was 2 hours + and I got worried. How long was that battle anyway?

*Spoilers ahead

Continue reading Batman vs. Superman: The Dawn of Justice*

Me & Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The Movie

After succumbing to peer pressure, I’ve finally seen the latest Star Wars film.

Aaannnd it was a trip.

This will be brief, as I’m still digesting.

Female MC:

I liked her. For a change, female character wasn’t pathetic. Naive, yes, but not cringe worthy. Continue reading Me & Star Wars: The Force Awakens