( ? ) Question Mark:
I question everything and know nothing. I look in the mirror and see a stranger of unimportance and delusion.
Questions haunt me so much more beyond the simplistic -“what’s that?” or “google it?”- moments. When a definition provided clarity and answers completed the quest.
But words don’t mean anything, and words are just syllables and latin phrases derived and bastardized with blunt force trauma. Like a buffet, we can shop for words to define the undefinable, to label the unmentionable, to describe what is with empty words that mean absolutely nothing.
Is it a competition to collect the labels to define ourselves and others?
Is it asexual or demisexual? Is it heterosexual or homosexual or pansexual? Is it minority or person of color or the alphabet soup of checking twelve boxes on a college application form? Is it gender queer or transgendered or gender neutral?
Does it even matter when you are alone anyway? Does the starving individual worry about such trifles when trapped on a desert island, struggling to survive and maintain hope of rescue? At what point is it good to ask such questions? Is it just selfishness or spoiled indulgence to ponder and wonder instead of being grateful for breath and life and prosperity?
If there were any sense of clarity, perhaps I would ask these questions for the hope of enlightenment, to seek a deeper truth or a hidden meaning to it all. I don’t just want to know, I want to understand and with understanding gain some measure of peace. The rough sea of questions with no answers are an insufferable plague; couldn’t there be a final “aha!” moment to crown the months of struggle and analysis? To close the chapters of confusion with some measure of resolution?
Will I forever be tormented by these questions and uncertainties?
( ; ) Semicolon:
“How could I be sure, that you won’t walk away?
Angel of deception, let me live this way.”
~ How Can I Be Sure by Anomie Belle
Here I stand on the crumbling edges of the excavation
Peering into the depths of another conclusion
-Finally- a gasp from the back of my mind
At last, this morbid phase comes to a close
Just a few more inches, just a few more days
Just another adventure to cure this malaise
Let us finally close this chapter, petty one
Let us finally go our separate ways, lead on
Shutting the lid on this final viewing
We commend your past to the depths
This body isn’t yours to give and burn
But this memory is yours to do with what you will…
Time to pack, time to move, and time to find boxes and store items from each room. What can I live without? Everything…
My contract is ending, this period draws to a close and I am excited for the new opportunities available, the new doors that I can reach out and grasp, firmly, with both hands. I can achieve the goals burning in my soul, I can finally do what I’ve always wanted.
I can finally escape the madness! And what worse madness is there, than to see the insane and assume it a daily norm?
But I digress.
It’s never too late to start a new life. After staring into the mirror wondering “If this were my last day, would I want to do what I’ll do today?” I can finally respond with a solid resounding “YES”.
Raising a glass to the next step of the journey-
( 0 ) Zero:
Zero is often seen as a negative number. Nothing, without, and other negative connotations.
Mathematically, the number zero is neither positive nor negative -except for French mathematics which holds that zero is both positive and negative.
Zero isn’t nothing. Zero is both all and none -like a version of infinity.
So when I say that I am Zero, it is neither positive nor negative in its connotation. It simply “is”. It simply exists. I simply exist, without justifications or associations, without condemnations or hallucinations.
Just alive and being, and thinking and existing.
I think therefore I am; if I think about the construct of nothing I still am. Existence isn’t determined by quantity but quality.
Zero is calculated by adding positive and negative numbers that cancel each other out in perfect balance and equality. Life in balance encapsulates the good and bad -nothing wrong with that.
Zero brings with it a zen construct of balance and possibility. Add or subtract, multiply and divide, all or none. Harmony and equality.
Neutrality at its finest…
In a society that emphasizes quantity and accumulation, zero is frightening and horrific. Zero balance = panic attacks. Zero tolerance = freak-the-fuck-out.
Yes, zero gets a bad rap.
But it doesn’t have to be negative. It can be positive. It can be neutral.
It can be what it is without explanation.
And, by extension, so can I.
(?) (;) (0)
So, what’s with the three symbols?
Nothing much, just punctuation.
A declaration of independence.