Coffee #25: Cut it!

“Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it
Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it”
~“Cut It” by OT Genasis

Those strings be way too tight, you need to cut it
My throat -I’m hung- no hands,  you need to cut it
Apron strings, your puppet sings, need to cut it.

Oh, yeah… I don’t think I’ll visit my parents for long periods of time anymore.

Like ever.

You know when you have this hopes and expectations? And you hype them up in your head. But when you get there, it’s nothing like you expected or even wanted. And you regret the whole thing. But you hid that because you don’t want anyone to know. Because you are just tired of having the same battles over and over.

So you just hid it inside.

Hide that you completely regret this whole decision to visit them; and that you just want to go back to your own house.


1# What’s mine is never mine

I am visiting my parents for a week and a half, partly for Thanksgiving and partly to pick up my car. Got there on Friday and am still there now.

I went to the store and picked up some Nutella. Lemme tell you, that shit…is FUCKING DELICIOUS! I had it for the first time last week and was an instant addict. 🙂

So I -against my best financial judgment- picked up 8oz for $8 (like, for real?! I could get 3 peanut butter jars for that!). It was delicious, I had it on freshly homemade bread and it was to die for.

I left the jar in the kitchen by accident. I should have known better.

There is a culture in my parent’s house that I despise. The culture of, we don’t ask who’s this is, we don’t ask if we can have some, we don’t ask a single question.

We just take it.

And by we, I mean my Mom.

I’ve heard all the excuses all my life, I’m your Mother, I brought you into this world, blah blah blah.

Doesn’t give you the right to steal.

So, yeah, she helped herself to almost the entire thing. And I’m charging her $8 for a new replacement.

Worse that some of my roommates with that shit. At least when they do it, it doesn’t bring back all the shitty memories.

All of them.

#2 So Goddamn worried about me, huh?

“So, when you went on your trip last month, I bet you spent all that money. Where’s my money? Just wasting your money on your vacations, I regret sending you to college. Should have just saved my money and spent it on myself. If I had known what a waste you’d be, I never would have paid all that money for school.”

Ohhh, the eternal rhetoric!!! Hit me again.

“How much are you eating anyway? 2-3 cookies? And a slice of pie, bread -wow you’re eating a lot!”

Oh, boy, I missed this sooo much #sarcasm. So glad I came home for this. Nothing like hearing it straight from the loved ones, ‘n’ all that shit.

And, for the record, that was grossly overcalculated.

Another symptom of being overly interested in everyone else. Again, my mom.

Again, my mom.


#3 The health nuts HAVE ARRIVED *finger snap

My mom’s friend, C, came by yesterday to visit. I haven’t seen her for 10 years and this, to me, was ten years too soon to see her again.

A nice person on the outside, C hides a health-freak fanatic under her smiling exterior. And, true to form, barely five minutes inside the house, I was awaked from sleep by her loud exuberant lecture on her ideas about biology, microbiology, anatomy, chemistry, and the other -ology’s, -istry’s,  and -tomy’s unsubstantiated with any actually knowledge of the subjects either through formal education or publications or, in some cases, common sense.

I could fill a book with all the nutty theories C supplied that change faster than the fluctuating weather.

My impressionable mother has always been first in line to sign up to each and every diet, cleanse, vitamin -you name it! I have years where, after contact with C, we would go on an “all raw” diet, the “dehydration” diet (aka raw and dried food), liquid diet, and about 20+ cleanses -all ruining any enjoyment eating could provide.

So forgive me if having C over to squawk about yet another health craze drove me nuts.

Swear to god, these health freaks are more obnoxious than drug pushers…


Apronstrings -need to cut it

I arrived at the conclusion, that spending more than three days with parents -specifically my mother- is an unhealthy waste of time.

There are pros: cooking, delicious baking… but entering and exiting a meat grinder quickly loses its appeal, regardless of the perks.


Three days later:

So, after some intensive reflection, I have a new attitude about my initial mindset.

  1. No matter what, I believe (have to believe) that my Mother speaks from a place of love, even if the delivery is… less than ideal.
  2. I can’t control my mother, just how I react.
  3. People make mistakes. I can only view things in the best light possible -a favor I only give to my loved ones.

Nevertheless, I recognize… I can’t do this for extended periods of time.

I love my Mother, it’s an unconditional thing. I don’t always love some of her behavior but she’s at the point of life where she can be who she wants to be, and I can be myself.

And if I need to engage some extra patience, then so be it.

While I will absolutely cut the apron strings, the lines of communication remain totally wide open.

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