Coffee #23 – What the F**k am I doing?

“Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time.” ~ Pablo Picasso

Happiness –if I don’t feel it, I’m doing something wrong.

I can mark, very specifically, the moment that happiness began to drain away.

I can’t even draw anymore, all my creative outlets are practically dried up. I can’t seem to make music, or write stories, or even draw. The only thing left are words and poetry, anger and rage.

Not exactly a recipe for happiness.

Add death and the cloying stench of bullshit and I was barely keeping the glue inside the cracks.

I could feel the bony fingers of death and duty killing my energy. The sun was shining on a beautiful day and all I could taste was ashes and panic.

So I did what any good, self respecting and slightly losing-their-shit person would do.

I went to burden a friend with my problems. And felt immensely guilty for my troubles.

And I still felt like shit… well, I did feel better for like a couple of seconds, but that didn’t last long.

What was I thinking? Bothering my friend with my mini- breakdown when they have their own insane, melted, manic lives to live. Nothing like being the drowning man, grasping for help –only to drown the help!

And thus, with double the shit and triple the guilt, I limped into port on Friday night.

I don’t know how you feel, but I still want to help. What can I do to make it better?

Dunno. I’ll take a hug or two.

Anyway, that message wasn’t for me. It’s for the others. The other people in your life who faces anxiety, anger, fear, etc. Try supporting them, okay? Take it from me, hugs are better than any or all words could give.

No one hugs me, so I gotta hug myself. Figure it out myself.

Make myself happy. Make the decisions that lead to this happiness.

And do not procrastinate. Nothing worth doing should be delayed for even a moment. Not even for a second.



My life has been shit the past few weeks. Work hitched up to level “psycho”, people (driving, drove, have driven) me insane; which accumulated into a critical re-examination on how I am matching to my goals and expectations.

This week was even more of a crisis -there were 2 deaths this week in a close proximity to where I live and work. One person was stabbed to death by person(s) unknown after some sort of party, the other was found inside their apartment after being dead for 4 days, reason for death unknown.

Couple this with the usual stress and I couldn’t be happier to arrive at the weekend.

Within this time frame, I spent a lot of time thinking about important life factors….

Okay, fine, I watched TV, did work and thought about my life thus far. And via my internet surfing, I stumbled across an interview that Lewis Howes conducted with Tai Lopez. This led me to Tai Lopez’s blog articles, his tips on greatness, his appeals for my money and a LOT of him talking.


Frankly, there was a lot of useless information (Lopez loves to blather on and on) but I did glean some valuable nuggets for free (no, I will not be spending thousands of dollars on intangibles -1st rule is keep your money dumbnut!). One being the usefulness of evaluating one’s life through 4 parameters: health, wealth, love, happiness.

That’s when I fully realized, in that moment, how truly miserable I really am.


Going forward, there are going to be some changes

Life is too short to wait, so do the fun stuff NOW!!

  • That means, don’t wait for vacation.
  • Don’t wait for someone to “save” you.
  • Don’t wait for a sale -just do it.

Don’t support people who don’t value or appreciate you or your work

  • People bring energy. Don’t invite leeches into your life.
  • Don’t work to the bone to make others rich.
  • Value yourself more -put yourself first. You’re the only one who will.

Happiness and health go hand and hand.

  • Optimum health is important so balanced diet and other needs are 1st and foremost.
  • You can’t buy good health, so take care of it while you have it.
  • Nutrition is important and healthy body leads to healthy mind.

Find what makes you happy and apply that to every facet of your life.

  • 80% and more of your day must bring happiness and satisfaction. At least this is my working theory.
  • Work should bring comparative happiness and satisfaction.
  • Do what you love, love what you do.


And this awesome manifesto by American Giant (you know, the folks with the really popular, high quality, really expensive hoodies) which can literally apply to anything.




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