Suicide Squad – Coulda been an Excellent Romance Movie!

What? You thought this was an action film?

Think again.

I was deeply touched. This is what a romance film should be. Sadness, betrayal, longing, tragedy, sadism, stupidity, and just a hint of kale.


As usually, focusing on minimal spoilers, I’ll protract the following:

  • Plot
  • Action
  • Characters
  • Annoyances

Hang on!! It’s all “puddin’!!” and bullets from here!!!


Plot: 4/10

So, if you’re expecting a super smart plot, driven by sarcasm and action, you’ll only get a third of that -namely the sarcasm. And as much as I highly prize a hefty slice of sarcasm, there wasn’t enough to balance out this horrific train wreck of a plot.

It starts off at a great pace: you met everyone, get to know them, start liking them and- boom!! You are smacked in the face by the film writer’s hubris and the director’s mismanagement.

The premise of why all the antiheroes are gathered together remains a badly mangled lynchpin with a bunch of plot holes that I was begging someone -anyone- to call bullshit on.


Once again, disjointed under scrutiny, the plot works best without deep thought on the motives and sequence of events/details. With so many side plots weaving throughout the main, the main actually gets lost in the fray in about the middle point of the film -odd and unfortunate because the hero -aka the main plot- shouldn’t be buried under the weight of everything else.



Action: 6/10

Mmmm, I expected more. With so many characters, how is only one person responsible for 99.9% of the action? Yeah, be grateful Deadshot is in this, otherwise, you’d be looking at barely any action at all.

Was there lots of gun/fire power? Yes.

Lots of hand-to-hand combat? Ehhhh…no.

Lots of blood and gore? Nuh-Uh! While there is lots of bodily injury, you don’t see much “impact”. Disappointing…

So, a C- on action.


Characters: 7/10

There is a plethora of characters, so I’m going to be sparse with some and detailed on others. Some will be grouped. I just don’t have the time (or energy) to treat them all equally. 

The Batman

Yeah, he’s actually in this -briefly. Not sure why, he was just gratuitous frosting on the overly decorated cake. Yes, it ties in to the end of BvS, but frankly, if he had been excluded from this movie, he wouldn’t have been missed.

Nevertheless, he delivers a nicely humorous touch. Plus, we found out he’s nosy, morose and lonely, a great combination for a vigilante billionaire (nixing mental image of him breathing heavily over his recently acquired files…).

Meddlesome… but funny.

Amanda Waller

I appreciate the nod to Arrow’s crossover but they try much too hard to make her a hard ass -an attempt that falls far short of Arrow’s portrayal of this character (sad to say). I just didn’t buy that she was anything more than a woman needing to get laid after finishing her end-of-the-month issues.

Did I start to hate her? Sure, but it was more in the way I sometimes hate my mom. A little distance, and she is easily forgotten.

Even as a bureaucrat, I found her more ignorable than bothersome at times when the character was striving to be obnoxious. And, no, it’s not cuz I’m a super zen individual (which I am not.). There was just a severe lack of commitment and sincerity, which resulted in a halfhearted portrayal of a supposedly powerful woman who constantly displayed insecurity and lack of real balls.

The Su- The Suic-… The Squad

Okay, really the Suicide Squad is 10% Harley Quinn, 20 % concentrated power of will, 5% Julia Moon, 15% Pink Unicorn, and practically 100% Deadshot.

Who else is there?

Ohhh, right, El Diablo, Killer Croc, Katana, the singular norm leader -Rick Flag-, Captain Boomerang, hopes, dreams, and blatant disregard for rules.

About sums it up…

  • Diablo – the emotional heart-trigger who really takes family suuuuper seriously.
  • Killer Croc – is Beautiful and will have no problems telling you so.
  • Rick Flag – the token (believable) hardass -also the village idiot.
  • Deadshot – will have 90% of the lines, 100% of the spot light, and will carry the entire squad on his tensed, trigger-happy shoulders. Additionally, he is responsible for the majority of the gun-action (aka a great scene where he dominates, much to the shock of his “comrades”. He brings in a bit of heart of his own, but it almost feels like the wanted this character to be human and heartless, empathetic and sociopathic. It doesn’t quite work out…
  • Harley Quinn – will carry the cutesy yet psychotic girl-child/woman character to interesting levels. Gets the random 1 liners that punch up the lines that Deadshot delivers. Or implies.
  • Captain Boomerang, Slipknot, etc etc… – extra bodies. The Pink Unicorn was a bonus laugh feature, you’ll understand if/when/after you’ve seen it. But they add nothing to the plot and you won’t even notice they are there.
  • Katana – I wanted to care, but didn’t. She literally was just the token sword-skills member, nothing more was added with her presence.
  • Julia Moon-a pathetic damsel in distress – the jungle idiot. Actually, let’s not make her special. Just severe idiot will do.

Joker aka “Extra”

Ehhhh, this is the lovesick version, nothing more!

I get it, it’s nearly impossible to follow up on Heath Ledger (may he RIP) and his portrayal of the psychedelic, sardonic, insane, psychopathic -the list could go on in reference to the amazingness of his portrayal of Joker…

Joker is a complex package, a delicate balance and a personal favorite character of mine. As much as it was sweet(gah, try saying that without choking) to have the “knight in shining armor” boyfriend version of Joker, it is completely out of character considering the Joker from comics, cartoons, games etc. where he willingly ditches her at the slightest chance of capture by the bat or authorities.

This massive discrepancy then highlighted the remainder of glaring discrepancies: the severe lack of forethought and smart planning being the most critical of cardinal sins made with this character. He wasn’t smart, wasn’t diabolical, wasn’t mixing genius with insanity.

He wasn’t a lot of things. What he WAS -a disappointment.

It’s not enough to act crazy. There needs to ruthless cunning also, or else the illusion falls to pieces.

It’s like, the Twilight fans were asked to rewrite Joker for this film. All sickly sweet for no reason –no, no, this isn’t the real Joker. Sorry to say it, but we are dealing with an impostor.


So, the whole premise of the villain(s) can be summarized in six words…


Hoisted by your own petard, bitch!!!

There, I said it.

This is a definite trend in DC movies. Now that I’ve seen several of them this year, the overarching theme tends to be that fear and overkill are The recipe to fucking up an otherwise neutralized situation.

This film falls right in line with that theme. While I wouldn’t say that the villain setup wouldn’t have happened at some point, there was really an unnecessary acceleration to the whole thing.

I totally blame Superman (lolz).

With this face-off, the age old question is once again brought to light.

In a battle between machines and magic, which would win?

C’mon… really? This wasn’t really a pressing concern of mine, ever!

With all the antiheroes, the random group of independents (including Panda), and the busyness and density of the character list, I wasn’t surprised by the cobbled-together nature of the villainy.

The villain is mainly the result of stupidity, unreasonable slack, and -you guessed it- love. What leaves the delivery so unsatisfactory, is the lack of depth regarding motive, goal and execution.

Again the same formula: an abbreviated backstory, a brief understanding of why the villainy occurs, and (yet again) the main act of villainy remains underwhelming and barely feasible.

Frankly, if you think about it for any length of time, the whole quest make very little sense.

Ahhhh!!! Where is a diabolical and smart villain –ever?!!!



The Soundtrack

You’d think that the film itself would be the standalone in annoyance.

But that soundtrack!!! DROVE ME CRAZY!!!

If, at any moment, I was actually immersing in the film, the clashing soundtrack would ruin the already mediocre experience.

It was like adding a moldy cherry on top of a garbage heap…

Just- no…


This film is mis-marketed

If this was marketed as a romantic film, I’d be much more satisfied. Many characters are in love with something or someone, so that would make sense. Plus there is an attempted 3-way that made me laugh…

Joker makes an odd Prince Charming, Diablo as the “ironic” flip-side to Punisher, Deadshot finds his inner conscience as he pursues his HEA, -the list goes on.

Granted, everything else that was happening makes this a tolerable romantic film, but a barely passable action film.

  • Gratuitous humor? Check.
  • Shout-outs to old films, etc? Check
  • Tie-ins with prior films and such. Uhhh… duh!
  • Create a universe? Nice try
  • Get a bunch of high profile characters onscreen together? Whyyyy? Less is more…

With all these on the to-do list, the entire story seems disjointed under any layer of scrutiny.

I recommend, if you watch Suicide Squad, to just enjoy it for what it is. An easy, nonsensical film that leans towards romance and away from any hardcore/thriller/heavily action oriented filming. 

Do not expect it to be in line with any of the prior films aka the Batman Trilogy. If you accepted the BvS, this will be much easier to consume. Joker isn’t going to be anyone you’ve seen before, so don’t get your hopes up.


And, finally, get your laughs in. That’s all that will be topped off, so don’t hold out for the action…

Overall Rating: 5.3/10


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