“Isn’t there enough suffering here without us beating each other?” ~unknown
I feel like I’m in a crusher right now. And I don’t need that ish.
The world is only as big as I make it. And I wanted to make it small enough that I could heal myself, yet big enough to let people in. But people bring their own agendas. Their own voices. Their own assumptions.
I despise talking about race. Why? Because to me, people are people, classifications of race are a start to drawing a line of separation, between “us” and “them”.
But what do you do when “them” and “us” are part of a war that never seems to end?
This week, I didn’t want to focus on the shit in the world, because I have work to do, bills to pay, my fragile world to keep on track. And cuz it’s all blowing into madness without any sense of order.
In the middle of my busy and stressed out Friday, someone in my office decided to call a meeting -a meeting to check-in.
But the assumption was made that everyone was suffering in the same way. And that everyone needed a common cure. A check-in, a way to pry into emotions and paint over everything with one statement, one major assumption, and use their own pain as a justification for impacting everyone else.
I deal with emotional shit differently. I don’t need to talk about my feelings in those spaces. I don’t see the need to be in a room for 30 minutes where people silently, awkwardly identify how they are impacted -when they obviously don’t want to. Where they assume that you are also suffering out loud like they are, that you are just like them and need to talk to everyone.
First of, I do not want to minimize another’s pain, or what they are feeling. I understand people may have their own way of dealing with things. But don’t assume that I deal with things the same way -in public forum.
Second, I respect that people have feelings, and that they may want to have a discussion around this. But I don’t need a discussion, okay? If I started looking at it, or even talk about it, I’d be much too emotional to be effective. When I want a discussion, I will have many to choose from, so supply isn’t a problem.
I recognize this in myself. Appropriate reactions from myself take time to come through. I think long and hard before reacting, or even thinking of writing shit down.
Because words echo around the world, and actions are a tidal wave of impact.
Yes, this should be talked about. Yes, something needs be done, and violence isn’t the answer. I agree, all plates matter, but what about the one that didn’t get a plate? Or those who want “just ice”, but get just air.
I can see the truth just fine, thank you.
But, dear office person. People deal with this shit differently, there is no need to force your emotional reaction and assumptions on others who are just trying to cope long enough to get home and react in private.
Getting angry solves nothing. Lashing out exacerbates the issue.
Don’t blanket me in with everyone else who just react. Don’t blanket me in with those who react inappropriately. Don’t blanket me into one of “them”. Cuz I am “me”.
I am not responsible for a whole race. I’m not your token representative.
I’m an independent person.
And I feel that this week, there has been a lot of talking. A lot of inappropriate action. A lot of anger and rage and words slung like weapons. A lot of discharged weapons. A lot of words taken in and out of context. A lot of generalization instead of recognition of individual, independent action and people.
There’s a difference between MLK Jr’s movement and Malcom X’s. The former thought that words and effective pacifist action could overcome the tries of their era. The later thought violence and retaliation would overcome the trials of their era.
Both were assassinated. But it was pacifism and carefully chosen words that effected change that we are clinging to today.
Why do people think, in this day and age, that violence and retaliation will effect the change we wish to see? Using the tactics of “evil” will not breed “good”.
Violence begets violence. And it is the same with hate.
Until there is careful consideration of words, I do not care to join the conversation. Until there is proper, appropriate, nonviolent action, I will not stand.
Because I’m not “them”. I’m not “us”.
I’m “me”. And me thinks that this mess is fucked up –indicative of a larger fucked up problem.
And until someone chooses to address it with proper, appropriate, nonviolent action and careful consideration of words, the situation will just continue to escalate.
United, huh? Right… united only until you can see the cracks. Was it really just a weekend ago that it was celebration of unity and freedom? Or was that selective too?
Know what? Don’t even.
Pissed, frustrated and don’t wanna talk about it ~ Opalflame