Under the influence of my re-entry into all things beat, bass, rhyme, and rhythm, this post is written in majority Flow-etry.
Went back to Church
So I didn’t plan out my day,
Had the car and Mom.
Meeting my Bro and our friends, out of the way.
But, hey, haven’t seen them in a while, so it’s worth it.
I pull up at the church, walking in on autopilot
Said hi to some folks, who stared at my jeans
And my shorter hair, I almost got violent
When some dick asked if I’d be getting a husband anytime soon.
Haha, and that guy who was like “Where you been? At your parents?
What do you mean you left home and have your own place?
So, you’re NOT at your parent’s house?” Yeah, was I to remain an interference?
Bum around at my parent’s house after I got my Masters degree? #sarcasm!
Riiiight, this place ain’t for me, I forgot this isn’t one of my spaces
I can feel my skin crawl, standing under the cross
Knocking with people wearing masks for faces
Nothing’s changed, same fake smiles and wolfish grins.
So I walked out.
Went to the car, text my bro to tell me when it’d be over.
Couldn’t stick around, else I’d shout
About how I’m fucking free, don’t try n’reel me back in!!
Cuz I’ve got nothing in common with them.
I was never one of them, I thought I was the black sheep among the flock
Which doesn’t fit? Must be me, I thought -wasted gem
I wasn’t the wolf, or the black sheep. Omnivores don’t fit with predators.
“Don’t leave the church!” a woman I respect said,
Mom standing behind her with That Look, recognize peer pressure?
“Nah, just looking for the right one,” I replied, completely fed
Up, cuz the church I’m looking for doesn’t exist.
Acceptance, tolerance, love? Yeah, I’m still waiting-
No structure or foundation, ashes and death
Words that kill, actions spill blood, and still underrating-
Till then, stare at my back. Cuz that’s the only side you’ll be seeing of me.
Judge me? Go for it -I’m not sorry, do your worst!
Throw the stones, spew the words, I can take anything you can dish out
So step up, and do it. I’m not the one who’s cursed
You may call me Cain, but I’m not the ones who murder people with hate.
I’ve learned how to tie a bow-tie. DOPE!!! Thanks to my friend who patiently spent 15 minutes teaching me till I got it down. ;D
I can tie my own bow-tie, sans mirror~
That is all.
Hair -to cut or not to cut?
- Wouldn’t really miss that extra hair.
- Get cool designs on the sides.
- Makes my face look good
- Easy to fix and go
- Little muss
- Barber, not hair dressers!!
- Grow stronger hair if I want it to grow later
- So much lighter?!
- Mom’s gonna flip (uhhh, so ?)
- What if I regret it immediately? – that’s 20+ years of hair I can’t just “sew” back on, ya know!
- Ahhhh, haven’t done this before. New is bad..?
- Dunno, just fear?
I guess the only thing hold me back is point 2 and 4. The others are pretty weak.
My hair takes a long time to grow, and legit, it’s like barely 14 inches after 20+ years. That’s a long term investment and I do have qualms regarding chopping it down to a buzz-cut.
I’ve tested out the hair style by slicking down the sides and back into a high bun. Low sides and back look good with a long top.
If I can get past the stupid fear and self-sabotage, I could be looking pretty fly very soon. 🙂
I’m all in on Hip-hop, Rap, whateva ya call it
Legacy. Panda. Damn it Designer!!!
History: Mother believes that any music with drums is from the devil. Yay religious upbringing.
Current: I gave myself permission to get back to enjoying music, including hip-hop, rap, etc.
Oh, how I’ve missed you Eminem, T.I., Dre, Nikki Minaj, Ciara, Beyonce, Kanye West, Jay-Z, etc… Drake, Yo Gotti, Tyga, Kevin Gates? Ace Hood, Future, A$AP? Designer? Oooo The Weeknd?
So now I’m dancing all the time. Cuz I can’t really sit still with music playing in the background.
Taking my dance AND my music back. Fuck you, religious bullshit, I’m blasting Hood Pope (by A$AP) ON Saturday and I don’t give a fuck who’s in the car or whether it’s mainstream.
Don’t. Give. A. F-uuuuck!!!
And I finally get what my friend, D, has been telling me. That hip-hop isn’t just music to dance to. It’s fucking deep.
It’s people’s pain to a beat. The darkest pictures make such beautiful songs.
When I listen to the lyrics, I get it.
I get it.
Po-rap-etry (poe-rap-eh-tree): N meaning
You know those memory quotes on Facebook? Five years ago today I wrote:
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.”
In response today, I wrote:
Ehh, it’s def me.
I embrace the insanity
Happiness is carefree
Cuz it’s just me, no caretakers
And I’m the sole bread-maker
Rotate, evaluate, be that faker
Feast. Cuz worries are like butterflies
They make hurricanes, see what I’m sayin’
Stay sane, don’t worry bout all them other rains
When the sun is shining.
Now, I just gotta throw down a beat…