Lay on the guilt trip. I can take it. I’m a camel that needs just one more feather -but I ain’t gonna break. Can’t break what’s broken bitch!
Sometimes Gunter remembers the past and it cumulates to one simple truth.
Mother is the giver and taker of all.
Growing up, he struggled to understand that the nice mother and the…not so nice Mother were in fact one and the same. Mother giveth and taketh away. Mother loveth and hateth. Mother builds and destroys. Mother hugs and hits. Mother veers from extreme to extreme.
And then, was nice mother actually being nice? Or cunningly manipulative?
tried to forget, he tries to forget. Because he is a person of tally and numbers. And with surprisingly good memory despite himself and his attempts to forget.
If he truly remembers everything he forcefully buried, it would cause a volcanic eruption of epic proportion.
It’s not just words, it’s not just actions, it’s not just force and intent. If it were but one, he’d be fine. He can take beatings, he can take mean words, he can survive lack of freedom. But put them all together and his tolerance burns to ashes.
So, with all the history between them, they -really he- is one uneasy truce away from severing their relationship permanently and finally.
Know what Gunter used to dream about as a kid? Changing his identity and disappearing for good. Changing his name and reinventing himself in another place and time, untouchable and free for once. Deep down, he’s still that kid with a dream and a fistful of coins in his piggy bank standing outside the house at 2 am searching for a reason to go back inside and stick around.
And he’s running dangerously low on reasons.
What really blows his mind, is that she doesn’t appreciate what she has. Instead, she focuses on what she didn’t get.
Mother’s Day 2016 is a prime example of this fact.
Yeah… she’s lucky he calls at all (doesn’t bode well for her birthday). Better save his money and intent and just don’t bother.
Because she is his mother, Gunter won’t get up and retort in kind. He’ll just say that he doesn’t care, that she’s lucky he attempted. And he’ll save the energy next year.
Happy butt-hurt Mother’s day. Mother should go adopt some kids who will do everything she says. Go buy some robots that will obey her commands. Go find a puppet she can manipulate.
Cuz he doesn’t give a shit.
Gunter can never win. And this is not a game he even want to play.
Being his mother doesn’t mean he owes an immeasurable debt. He’s done his time, she’s gotten all she can get from him. He has nothing left for her here. Just a hollow ear and an empty mouth.
A mannequin head immune to her call. Happy chatting.
“You don’t have to like me, go love someone else.”
~ The Truth by Kevin Gates