Why does it hurt so bad?
Why does a crush
Feel like an affliction?
This is terrible.
I almost want it to stop.
But I’m a masochist.
Like a blade to my chakras
Bleeding through my day
Only when I love in this peculiar way.
It’s just me and my stupid imagination,
Chemicals and metaphors
Reality is, rejection is eminent -but I can’t let go.
I could scream, but there is silence
I could strike, but there is no sensation.
I could bleed, but there would be no relief.
Curse you, blood and glands
Crazy chemist in my brain
Mixing a crystal method.
I can feel the knife scraping my skin
And that’s all that keeps this bag of bones
From flying apart.
Why can’t I turn this around,
Why do I always seem to be the sufferer?
Can’t I be the sadist today?
Damn you, cupid, for making me feel
And care for all I cannot have.
Why bring me to life so I can die again?
Yet all I can do is prepare.
Prepare for the devastation.
Prepare for the complete destruction of a single, negative response.
Dust to dust,
I’m always compelled