Writing #17: Mapping anywhere but here

Via fast car or motorcycle? Decisions, decisions.

No, you don’t understand. Freedom isn’t only a place, it’s a feeling within me. I just happen to feel it when I’m far, far away!!

It’s breathtaking, what that emotion feels like. One of these days, I’m going to disappear for awhile, disconnect from all the distractions and just breath clean air for a change. I’ll retain the emergency line though, I don’t need to be mystery body number 83 or something.

Wake up.

Where am i?

Oh, right. Here. Still. Again.

When are we going? That voice asks me again.

Soon. Gaze with longing at the map on the wall, tracing the roads far away. Soon.


“Where do you want to go for grad school?”

“Anywhere but here.”

“But aren’t there good schools here?”

“Yeah, but I’m done.” Karate chop through the air in emphasis. “So done, so tired of being here, still, again. I’m getting the F**K out!”

Even if grad school doesn’t work out, I’m SO out.

Lose yourself.


I can feel the noose tightening around my throat. Just the thought of being here another minute is killing me. I’ve stayed put for so long, I’m likely to just go without assurances or packing.

Just up and go.

Nothing but road…

The map stretches out before me, a huge X marking out everything in this vicinity, all the way down the countryside.

I’m exiling myself from the entire region. Because I just want to leave.

I want to go in the opposite direction. Put my back to the ocean and follow the setting sun. Head to other oceans, to the other forests, the other coastlines. The other geography, the other countries, the setting suns and rainstorms elsewhere.

I want to see and smell and touch and taste and feel new places. Travel at the drop of a hat.

I dream of walking out my front door every day and never coming back.

Every day is a step closer to that moment.


Wake up. Point. Open eyes.

Let’s go there today.

We can’t, that little voice says. We have work and stuff and responsibilities.

But when will we go? WHEN?


Soon doth never come…

It’s coming. We can count the days together.

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