Writing #16: The Online Presence

Self censor – to restrict or edit one’s own behavior in order to appear incognito, or to remain innocuous. To suppress one’s natural instinct or inclination for the sake of blending in.

Self censorship is like living in a cage of your own design, where every instinct and inclination is denied and where silence remains the preferred method of communication. My experience.

But I wasn’t just censoring my online presence. I was censoring myself.

Try walking around with stitches in your month. You either explode or die. I did the explosion route at puberty, and I did the dying part after the volcano died.

After combusting and reducing to ash, it was time for critical reflection. It took time to realize that I needed to reflect, took even longer to figure out why I felt the way I did. But time reveals more than it can in a moment.

So why did I head to such extremes?

Well, because I wanted to be present of the United States one day. Scandal is a big no-no, opinions are a big no-no. Negative publicity is a big no-no.

This soon escalated into all publicity is a big no-no.

Ahh, paranoia

 

Self censorship is like living in a cage
Of your own design
Where every instinct and inclination
Is denied
And declined
Where silence remains
The prefered method
Of communication
Exasperation
Declaration of dying
And sighing,
And lying to yourself and thinking
You have nothing to say
It’s the same
Every day
It’s a fact
Just an act
To get through
Every second
Tie down every beckon
And I reckon
This silence keeps me insane;
To refrain
From reacting is inhumane
Out of you
As is me,
We’re all reality

Every line,
Is a sign
Indicate a direction
Unlike baking confection,
Screwing up ‘s not the end
Find a friend
Make amends
Rebuild what’s destroyed
Get back your own voice
Make the choice
To be something more
Than a broken old chore
That just has to be done
Broke down, overrun
Devoid of all fun
What’s the use of a life
Still fractured with strife,
Silent and cold
Better to sit next
To the silence
Than hold it within you
It rips you apart and swallows you up
A dark hole, unescaping
The words trapped inside
Can’t be spoken
So choke them.

It’s like magic
Swallow them up
And they disappear.
And so do you.
Self-consumption
Is so unhealthy…

Needless to say, I don’t want to be a US president anymore…

 

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Published by

opalflame

I am artist, analyst, author, poet, composer, musician to name a few aspects of myself. A bit of a jack of trades, I dabble into many fields that encourage the blossom of imagination and allow me to channel my creativity. I dream vividly and view the world through the lens of optimism and opportunity while acknowledging the ink and shadows.

5 thoughts on “Writing #16: The Online Presence”

  1. It is a really touching poem. I felt sad for the younger you who felt so trapped. I believe though, my view is to look at difficult emotions are to be mastered, with self-control. The ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations: – Peace 2U, ACF

    Liked by 1 person

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