Things I Like
I like talking about myself much too much. I sometimes think I talk too much.
I like quiet moments of reflection and peace, but I also like moments of noise and crowd and friends on an adventure with me.
I like colors and art and beauty in the nonconformist, non standard epitome.
I like all music except country.
I like the dark, I like the light, I like not having to choose in which I reside.
I like that I’m always learning new things and that I am always growing.
Things I’ve Learned
I’ve learned that politics is everywhere and that high school never really leaves.
I’ve learned that the bestest of friends can be the vilest betrayer.
I’ve learned that there is beauty in sounds and experiences.
I’ve learned that if I laugh too hard, I get an endorphin rush that is amazingly beyond this world. It could be that I also get a bit oxygen deprived…
I’ve learned to hold sacred that which is precious to me. Family, true friends, creeds.
I’ve learned to stop following, to carve my own path, even if it’s foolhardy. Better to fail, learn, and recover, than to blindly follow another.
I’ve learned that I know so much and so little, it’s painful to examine sometimes.
Things I Wish
I wish…so many things.
I wish people would be smart, that we wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes over and over.
I wish my favorite tv shows wouldn’t keep getting canceled.
I wish I had enough money to make my family’s dreams come alive, and that they would have that freedom of life few can grasp.
I wish that I could travel unrestrained by the subtle chains I allow to hold me back. Like fear.
I wish I could see something different when I look in the mirror. Someone full of the light and happiness, sparkling with innocence instead of the hardened realist that knows there is no such thing as magic.
I wish I could remember what I dream at night, and could bring those worlds and themes and stories back with me into the land of wakefulness.
I wish I could be part of a pack, that I wasn’t such a loner, that I had the option to not be alone rather than stuck in the default.
I wish I would appreciate what I have, instead of pining for what I do not.
I wish I had wisdom to understand the whys and hows, and the ability to endlessly forgive.
This list…I need to decompress from this Melancholy I’m in today. Writing this out, it has made me a bit sad. Sad that I still have that judging voice wondering if I’m too self-centered and if I am “doing it right”…
Just accept. Why can’t you just accept?
Maybe because I never learned how.