Friendship means a lot to me. It’s hand over heart, where I can feel your heartbeat and you can touch mine. Back to the wall, you’d be by my side, arm in arm prancing down the street.
The concept of friendship has diverged into two parts – the reality and the ideal.
The ideal is what I prefer. Friends are the people who stand by you when the world destroys your dreams. Friends give late night hugs, talk you off the ledge, pick you up when others were all too eager to shove you down. Friends keep your secrets, and don’t mock your fears no matter how impractical. Friends love you no matter what, they support you even when family break you. They march with you for your causes, even if they aren’t necessarily their own. They love you unconditionally, or as close to it as one can be.
The reality? Friends are quick to desert you when the world destroys your dreams and shakes you for that last coin. Friends don’t want to be bothered when you’ve got troubles, would rather push you off a ledge, and add the finishing blow when others shove you down. Friends think that secrets is a code word meaning “tell everyone”, and tend to belittle your fears no matter how realistic. Friends leave at the drop of a hat, and tend to cut you even more deeply than family can. Friends prefer to stomp upon your causes, especially when the agenda doesn’t match their own. They love you only as long as it takes for them to stab you in the back.
Nothing like friends to teach you what you have and lost, value and rejection. They can build you up and tear you down, use the knowledge you shared to rapier right to the sweet spot, where it hurts the most.
“Fifth lumbar down, abdominal aorta… But only cuz he asked me to.”
I kinda think friendship is versatile, it doesn’t limit, and it doesn’t exclude. Enough for one, enough for several, a lone wolf or a wolf pack. It encompasses the whole, it shouldn’t require someone to sacrifice a part of themselves, no matter how small, in order to qualify.
I’m in favor of the friend-for-life thing, I really am. But there are only a few of people I’ve encountered who hold to the same loyalty. Loyalty: valuable currency I have no money or interest in buying. It comes naturally, or not at all. Organic, free range, open prairie, happy life.
It’s surprising how often a false friendship stems from personal insecurity. It proves something within one’s self, that one must be worthy of self to be worthy of another.
Sometimes I feel like a living testament to how much one can survive “friendship”. And I’m not the only one. So careless to place so much into something so shallow. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, is that you can’t store value in empty people.
Rejoice! The sooner the dead weight is dropped, the sooner you can soar. You sure don’t need that shit in your life.
There are true friends out there, believe me. So don’t close yourself off from the world and potential of the future. Someone once told me that when a friend betrays you, it’s like being burned. Not only do you no longer want to reach out to even the most tiny of flames for fear of more pain, but it also drives you to retract when the fire is there to warm rather than harm within the middle of a blizzard. Imagine the mindset… preferring to freeze to death rather than approach another flame.
When a flower is hit with permafrost, it retracts to heal. It takes time for it to carefully blossom again.
But it will bloom again.
I survived the hate-ships, I pulled every single knife out my back where “friends” had used my ribcage as a knife rack to hang their ambition. I call it my declutter. You stab my back, I walk away. I don’t take that shit, and you only get one shot at it.
I’ll take your apology, but we both know it doesn’t mean jack. You only have one chance to make a first impression, and the last impression you make is the last chance you have to make it.
So when you lose yourself, lose my number, “cuz I don’t need none of that”. *snaps
I’m in a much better place, with awesome friends who accept me as I am. We can’t always be together, but we have each other’s back if at any time, any place, anything, any one tries to mess with us. That’s just how we roll.
We keep each other safe. That’s what friendship is, a safe space with caring people.
I like this reality.