Struggling to Write –> Points of Honesty

Honesty time:

  1. I don’t feel like I’m very personable when I write.
  2. I feel guilty when I don’t write on my blog consistently.
  3. Life sometimes feels like a bully, holding me under the water –stifling creative outlets and drowning the artistic me from whence my writing flows.
  4. I wonder if I’m being misleading: with the numerous topics I’ve written, the different styles and focus, I wonder if I’m misleading my readers.

I just came from a rough several weeks. Life was happening, and I went through some changes in my home life and not home life that sent me through the shredder. While I am grateful that I was able to get stronger through the process, I feel like I’m standing in the aftermath of an earthquake, waiting for the roof to finally cave.

Emotional roller-coaster. I had to go places, I never thought I could go. Become more than I was. I feel like I came out of an intense training and learned a new skill. I also lost some things, that I’m finally realizing had to go.

It’s left me exhausted emotionally, and that’s been pouring into my writing lately. My short stories.

But I’ve felt stifled in (trying) writing on this blog, especially during that time. And my writing has become darker, and this blog wasn’t necessarily meant to be dark. It was supposed to be chill, relaxed, open.

That’s partly why I haven’t been writing lately.

And I feel bad, because I feel responsibility. I wanted to get more consistent in my writing and scheduling time aside to write. But I’ve been shirking my task.

Another layer to mention. It feels like there are two me: happy-go-lucky and dark. Happy-go-lucky created the blog, and now Dark wants to write. And I don’t know whether I should let Dark write here. Is this the appropriate space for him? Dunno.

Oh, responsibility!

Anyway, this is me noting some points of honesty. I’m still on the roller coaster but it seems to be slowing. Life has become less of a storm and more of the “night after” the storm.

So, bear with me.

Or don’t.

But I figured I should give a heads up.

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Published by

opalflame

I am artist, analyst, author, poet, composer, musician to name a few aspects of myself. A bit of a jack of trades, I dabble into many fields that encourage the blossom of imagination and allow me to channel my creativity. I dream vividly and view the world through the lens of optimism and opportunity while acknowledging the ink and shadows.

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