Alone… is a word containing words inside of itself, like Russian nesting dolls.
~Alone, Lone. One. Ne. E.~
Interesting how even when letters are removed, the remainder only emphasizes the solitude.
Alone is a tricky emotion. It is interesting, because the fact is, you could be in the most crowded of rooms and still feel alone. You could be… in the middle of a crowd, and still feel…empty. You could be at the side of a loved one, holding their hand, leaning on their shoulder, closing your eyes, sleepy, dreamy.
Still, I see you encased in icy shell.
You might tell yourself that this time, it will be different. This time you will open up and be that person who connects, who makes the connection meaningful. This time, you will make a friend. This time you will have your significant other and you will tell them everything.
Telling them everything means you have nothing.
And then they leave.
And you are still alone.
You are a lone wolf. You think you don’t need anyone anymore. You’re just fine, being all by yourself. In fact, who needs people, who needs friends? Who needs others? The only person you can rely on is yourself. Everyone else will betray you, disappoint you, stab you in the back, and kill you.
Alone is better, alone is survival.
Being lone, means watch your own back. And know that, you will not sabotage yourself.
Alone, Lone. One.
You are one. Two splits down to one. And finally you realize that one is the strongest part of the bond. Because when other leaves, there is only one.
You have to build yourself back up from the ruin and start all over. Again, and again and again, because one is all you are when everyone leaves.
Alone. Lone. One. Ne.
Ne, who gives a crap? You don’t care anymore. In fact, you’ve been rocking it so long –all by yourself– you just feel nothing.
Ne. Meh, Korede [here].
Then, you drift. and everything is the same. Everything is consistently the same.
Ne. Outstretched hands, sliced away each and every time. What’s the point? Why even bother try? Hands implying control, implying some sort of meaning.
You cannot draw hands, nothing to hold when you have no control.
Ne. Relinquish it all.
Alone. Lone. One. Ne. E.
The effort to form phrases is just too much. In fact, being the fifth letter of the alphabet means you don’t need the rest of the alphabet. You’re just fine right where you’re at. And you’ve convinced yourself, in some abstract corner of your mind, that this is what it’s all about. This is what happiness is. This is what life is meant to be.
E: A grunt. a formulation, a syllable. An afterthought. an end to the world tagged on at the very last moment, when you realize that you have nothing. Just you, your empty hands, in an empty room, on an empty block of an empty town nested within an empty city. And then an empty state, part of an empty country.
Lost in an empty world.
E. Ne. One. Lone. Alone.
It’s a fanciful regression. And the process ends.
Feelings of: Betrayal –> Rage –> Acceptance –> Indifference –> Desensitization